Man is this relatable. I am here reading as you commented on my comment to Abigail Shrier's excerpt. I felt like I am completely lost without support.
Though my boys better fit in the ADHD category than the Autistic category I had thought trying to find support in the autism parent community might be more helpful as I see the issues as having a common root.
The ADHD groups seem completely resigned to the fact that this is who their children are and the world just needs to accept and accommodate them with no hope of any healing. It sounds like the autism community might be looking at the same kind of issue.
I see my children as having been injured, with my oldest there was a clear before and after. I don't see their impulsive and aggressive behaviors as their essence. I need to have hope for some healing or else I just sink into the grief and exhaustion of trying to manage and raise two children who need so much (and who literally hurt me). I don't what this to be their identity.
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to who can understand, even though I know a lot of parents struggling, including in my own family. It seems like an unwritten rule however to not say ANYTHING about it.
Oops I hit send too early. Anyway I was looking for a way to connect with you since I share so many things in common. I don’t do FB anymore for a long time or other social media, but desperately need connection with like minded people to deal with my own children’s stuff. And I personally deal with chronic illness which has made helping them(even though they are well into their 20’s now and still living at home) much more difficult.
I hope you write often as it’s a pleasure to read what you express so well. If you have suggestions(sources) for other ways we parents can seek help and comfort please share what you know. I believe you have been on a difficult journey as no one who has not could ever write so well of the torments you describe.
You write so beautifully. I followed you here from the PITT Substack group where we were both attacked by someone claiming to be a Pediatrician who warned us not to go down the vaccine “rabbit hole”.
This tangle, this struggle over identity to be accepted and celebrated vs injury to be accommodated and healed (where and as much as possible) has been one I haven’t quite understood and that has at various times pulled me in various directions as the mother of a child with some distinct learning quirks. As you say, there is the mindset which accommodates while attempting to remediate and resolve the quirks but also the mindset that celebrates the quirks and accommodates without intention or attempt to actually mitigate.
I, for one, want my child to grow up being as fully able to do anything desired, unlimited, if possible, by these atypical quirks.
Man is this relatable. I am here reading as you commented on my comment to Abigail Shrier's excerpt. I felt like I am completely lost without support.
Though my boys better fit in the ADHD category than the Autistic category I had thought trying to find support in the autism parent community might be more helpful as I see the issues as having a common root.
The ADHD groups seem completely resigned to the fact that this is who their children are and the world just needs to accept and accommodate them with no hope of any healing. It sounds like the autism community might be looking at the same kind of issue.
I see my children as having been injured, with my oldest there was a clear before and after. I don't see their impulsive and aggressive behaviors as their essence. I need to have hope for some healing or else I just sink into the grief and exhaustion of trying to manage and raise two children who need so much (and who literally hurt me). I don't what this to be their identity.
I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to who can understand, even though I know a lot of parents struggling, including in my own family. It seems like an unwritten rule however to not say ANYTHING about it.
Oops I hit send too early. Anyway I was looking for a way to connect with you since I share so many things in common. I don’t do FB anymore for a long time or other social media, but desperately need connection with like minded people to deal with my own children’s stuff. And I personally deal with chronic illness which has made helping them(even though they are well into their 20’s now and still living at home) much more difficult.
I hope you write often as it’s a pleasure to read what you express so well. If you have suggestions(sources) for other ways we parents can seek help and comfort please share what you know. I believe you have been on a difficult journey as no one who has not could ever write so well of the torments you describe.
You write so beautifully. I followed you here from the PITT Substack group where we were both attacked by someone claiming to be a Pediatrician who warned us not to go down the vaccine “rabbit hole”.
Thanks for this and your other posts.
This tangle, this struggle over identity to be accepted and celebrated vs injury to be accommodated and healed (where and as much as possible) has been one I haven’t quite understood and that has at various times pulled me in various directions as the mother of a child with some distinct learning quirks. As you say, there is the mindset which accommodates while attempting to remediate and resolve the quirks but also the mindset that celebrates the quirks and accommodates without intention or attempt to actually mitigate.
I, for one, want my child to grow up being as fully able to do anything desired, unlimited, if possible, by these atypical quirks.
Thanks for sharing vulnerably.